Walking to the restaurant Berkeley was doing most of the talking. All I knew was that I needed alcohol and lots of it. That’s how I was going to make it through this. Before the waiter could even speak I ordered two cocktails and a bottle of wine. Let the drinking commence…
Cocktails drunk and wine flowing, I was now ready to confront the situation… but first I needed to pee. On the way to the ladies I did a full scan of the place, sexy barman was nowhere to be seen. I still hadn’t text him, so I did it while on the loo. What better place to think of something witty to write?!
‘Cocktails don’t taste the same & you’re missing my date with someone’s granddad. Strawberry x
That’s the best I could come up with. Now back to the situation at hand.
‘So… you look slightly different from your picture’ (you lying old man)
And then came a sound that I hadn’t heard in a while. He chuckled! Chuckled!! It wasn’t a laugh; it was a chuckle, a kind of chuckle that only old men produce with their shoulders bouncing up and down. I couldn’t cope, more wine needed to be had.
‘Yes indeed, you are very correct’ he smiled…..
‘Ok, and why would that be?’ (You lying old chuckling man)
Another chuckle, (Stop chuckling you old man liar!)
Confession time:
He decided to use the picture as it was the best one he had and he lied about his age, which was more than evident! It turns out he was 55. I tried not to spit out my drink when he admitted it, though I’m sure I vomited in my mouth then swiftly washed it down with wine. So now what? Well clearly there would be no big country mansion wedding for us…
I was bored. Ok he was older than I expected and he looked ready to be checked into a retirement home but more importantly there was no connection. He seemed quite content chatting away, however, I needed an escape plan and thankfully I’m the kind of person who always has a plan…Do not ask me where my plans come from, they just come and when they do, I feel compelled to follow them through to the very end.
So, we’re at dinner. The whole point is to eat and talk. So my plan was to eat my food really quickly. Once I’ve finished eating we could leave. Perfect. Let the plan commence…
I literally shovelled the food into my mouth storing food in both cheeks in the hope to finish faster. I honestly couldn’t get it in fast enough. I wasn’t listening to him, all my concentration was on the food until he chuckled. Not at me, but at his own boring story. So I chuckled back sarcastically but what I didn’t take into account was the food rammed into my mouth. It came out, not just on my plate but all the way to his and then there was saliva. That also came out, and not just a tiny bit, probably the longest string I’d seen in a while. It was like the food was using it as an escape route to climb down. Then there was silence…
I felt compelled to laugh, mostly due to the disgusted look on his face. But I thought it best to remove the saliva still running from my chin to the table crawling towards him. Perfect gentleman as always he didn’t say a word, just carried on talking. So, the food was finished. Well, some of it was now back on my plate in a regurgitated mush, but I was done eating. Great, Cheque please garçon!... Nope, as usual I hadn’t thought this plan through properly at all. The food that I had just stuffed into my mouth then kindly regurgitated was only the starter…
I sat through the rest of the date which seemed to be dragging, my phone was in my bag (as I think it’s rude to have it out when you’re on a date) and I don’t wear a watch so I had no concept of time. I kept tilting my head every so often to see if I could make out the time on his watch which was slightly poking out of his sleeve. No such luck. After what seemed like an age he said
‘Did you want desert?’
‘NO’ I said slightly louder than I intended. Then I added the thank you.
We were out of the restaurant and I was dying to check my phone. I waited till we said our goodbyes. I decided to walk a bit as it was such a nice evening after I made sure I was going in the opposite direction he was. Those evenings in summer, when it stays warm and humid late into the night are my favourite. Its moments like those when you realise why you put yourself through the horror that is dating, so you can share it with someone. Someone you care about...
I had spent five consecutive days dating five different men who had all taken me to the same restaurant and yet … nothing…
Ned and I kept talking for a bit but not for long. He said that he wanted to take me to the Eden project in Cornwall and I was genuinely excited, I mean it was his idea. Why would he mention it if he didn’t want to go? Well he had a sudden change of mind one day when he decided to email me detailing why we would 'fit together'…. in hindsight he was probably right but at the time I was disappointed.
Richard messaged a few times randomly apologising mainly and asking for a second chance. I didn’t reply to any of them, and then he said he had the perfect guy to set me up with! Then his ‘friend’ started messaging me keeping in mind I had not yet replied to one message it all seemed a bit random and crazy!
Jason and I stayed in touch and are still good friends. I met his boyfriend who is just as equally as gorgeous.
Ray was a sweetie, making sure I got home ok, messaging me the next day to say that he had a good time and can we do it again… even though I had no desire to I said yes. I was willing to give him a second chance… but no need to because it fizzled before it even started, we never met up again...
And then there was Berkeley… I think you’ve already guessed that I wasn’t eager to go there EVER again.
There was still sexy barman, even though I still didn’t know his name! I checked my phone as I got on the tube and sexy barman had replied... twice…
This is what it’s about, dating, meeting strangers and seeing if you get on, seeing if you want to spend time with them. You’ll never know unless you try I guess so…
Here we go again…!!!
