It's me or the dog

I met Mr Scottish (last year) on a dating website (yes I shall explain how I came to be on one of those a bit later). For anyone that has even been on a dating website you’ll know that you have to almost become some kind of online predator. The whole concept of online dating requires you to be actively involved, which makes sense as the point of it is to meet people, anyway like I said more about that another time.


So there I am one day, having a little perusal of the men that I'm supposedly ‘matched’ with and then his face pops up. His opening statement was ‘What a nightmare’ it made me laugh so I clicked on his profile. It made me laugh because it is a bloody nightmare singing up to these things as they ask you so many questions. Obviously name, age etc. This is standard, so I don’t mind those. But all these questions about favourite movies, favourite books, what are your hobbies, what is your best asset, when is the last time you had a bowl movement. It’s just all too much. I know it’s because they’re trying to ‘match’ you with someone but still… nightmare. Anyway, I think I messaged him first and we eventually exchanged numbers. Our first date consisted of meeting at a pub for pre-drinks, then an amazing Arabic restaurant. He was tall, handsome, and intelligent and could make me laugh. Perfect! The date went really well so the next day we arranged to go to the cinema, after that things were pretty much smooth sailing… or so I thought.


Before we managed to meet in person Mr Scottish told me he has a dog (Silky) a black Labrador. He’d shown me pictures however; I was not aware how big this dog was. Silky, in my opinion, is not a dog, he is a pony. He’s huge; you could saddle him up and race him at Ascot. Ok so I think we’ve established that I’m not too keen on dogs. I like the small ones but I’m generally scared of the bigger ones, saying that, I do prefer dogs to cats any day. I honestly believe that all cats are assassins reincarnated. At least with dogs you know where they are, as soon as you open the door they’ll come running. A cat is like a lodger in your house, an assassin lodger that costs you money for no reason. They come and go as they please; you never know where they are. Call for your cat and see what happens. Nada. You’ll be walking around your own house wondering if the cat is in and I bet you’ll find it in the kitchen circling your kitchen knives. (Assassins I tell you!!)


At first Silky and I did not get along. I repeat, NO. We were like two kids vying for the attention of Mr Scottish. He’d jump up on the couch and squeeze between us, I was scared to actually sleep as I thought Silky would try and kill me. I’m so serious. I’d just see him at night staring at me, not even blinking… Anyway, everything was about the dam dog! We had to go home at this time to feed the dog. The dog needs to be walked at that time. If we go to that place we have to be back because of the fricking dog! The dog needs this; the dog needs that, blah blah blah! And don’t even get me started on having dog hairs on my clothes! But what was I going to do? Silky had been around years before me. Could I just waltz in and demand he get rid of him? Trust me I considered it many a time. But anyone who’s ever had a pet knows that this animal becomes more like a family member and I can appreciate that. However, I think that when you start seeing someone you need that honeymoon period to just get to know each other and enjoy each other’s company. It is so annoying to have to consider a third party. It was like his baby, but I didnt like dogs! I LOVE Kids, now that’s another story…


Then something just clicked, it all just seemed to fall into place. I started to look forward to seeing Silky, to have him jump on me when I arrive and sniff my feet! I didn’t mind taking him for walks anymore, I really enjoyed it. Instead of him trying to push me off the couch, he’d come and cuddle me. It just all worked and made sense. We were like a mini family. He was now like our baby. I loved it. He was a bit of a grumpy bum sometimes but I could deal with it. He made me feel wonderful. I was so happy… until Mr Scottish went AWOL. He disappeared on me; to be fair he was going through a rough time with work and needed to clear his head. So I gave him the space he needed, but sadly I don’t think that was enough. So now I needed to know what was going on. Things were in limbo. He wasn’t answering my calls or texts, or bbms, though he did keep ‘checking in’ on facebook (exactly)So I knew he was still alive. The only thing left was to email. Finally I got a reply. Long story short I GOT DUMPED. Via EMAIL!! Yes I am being totally serious, he ended it all, everything was over. I was completely devastated.


At one point I wanted Mr Scottish to pick me or the dog, but I chose them both as they both made me happy. I just wish he chose me back…