Chez Gérard - Day One...

I was in the last few weeks of my first year at uni, so I had shizzle loads of work to do. I mean I was literally producing essays out of my patooti! I didn't have time to sleep let alone explore the online dating site! So my friends took over and started chatting on my behalf, basically lining up the dates for me so that when I finished I could jump straight in as it were. And trust me; I went in head first…

Ned was (and still is I would imagine) a lawyer, very charming in the emails we exchanged. I can’t really remember how it all happened but we arranged to meet. It was one of those rare summer days we have where the sun is out and it’s just so very humid.

He wanted to take me to a restaurant in Covent Garden, Chez Gerard apparently. Ok sounds great! Randomly, we bumped into each other on the underground. Luckily he looked exactly like his picture. (You’d be surprised how many people look nothing like their profile picture!) So we start chatting as we walked up the stairs towards the lifts. So we’re standing there and we hear an announcement. … The lifts are temporarily not working due to a fire alarm … hmmmm, I guess we’re going to be waiting a while.

Next thing I know, Ned has suggested we take the stairs. Erm... Now, I have a question for all of you reading this, how many of you have actually taken the stairs in Covent Garden station instead of taking the lift? Those of you that have done it... YOU ARE CRAZY. For those of you that have never been to Covent Garden station or have been sane enough to avoid the stairs at all costs like myself, let me enlighten you. There is a sign at the bottom of the stairs that states and I quote ‘This stairwell has 193 steps. Do not use except in an emergency.’ Now that ladies and gentlemen is what is known as disclaimer…. I have never ever in my life been tempted to even look at those stairs let alone climb them.If there is no emergency I am not taking the stairs therefore I was quite happy to wait to see the actual burning flames touch my face before I considered it as per the notice...

But there I was being led by Ned up the dam stairs. It wasn’t bad… at first! It’s just one big winding stairwell. Then it got to a point where my legs thought, f*ck this for a laugh and they refused to go any further. I looked behind me and there was nothing but a winding staircase, I looked ahead and yup… same thing, we were trapped!! And to make matters even worse it was hot and sweaty. Ned, on the other hand, seemed to be having the time of his life. While I was considering faking some form of a heart attack so we can be rescued; he was suggesting that we take the stairs two at a time. Erm.. NO!

As if I wasn’t hot enough from climbing those bloody stairs, we get outside and the humidity slaps me in the face like POW!! Cue more sweat… great. Now we’re walking towards the restaurant and I’m gasping for breath but trying to act like I’m fine… I needed air! By the time we arrived I'd found a flyer in my bag to fan myself with and was just generally hot, sticky and sweaty. When we got inside I felt the sweat start to trickle down my back…. Oh yes, this was going so very well! Why was I standing in a restaurant that had no air? There was no air outside; there was no air inside… who had stolen all the frickin air?!!! The waitress informed us that their air conditioning was broken (Of course its bloody broken there’s an air thief around!)

By the time we were seated, I was sweating like a BITCH ON CRACK, no joke…. Meanwhile, Ned was questioning me about wine. Do I like red wine? Do I like white wine? These grapes from France, that grape from Italy… I kept nodding and frantically fanning in the hope that one day I would be able to stop sweating. I excused myself and went to the ladies to freshen up, I almost screamed when I saw my reflection, I was a mess to say the least.

When I got back to the table the wine had arrived. Now, not a lot of people, me included, know how to taste wine properly. I try and avoid being the person at the table that tastes the wine first, if I have to; I normally just take a sip smile and nod my head. And let’s be honest, most of us don’t know what we’re meant to taste anyway. But not Ned, I’ve never seen someone take so long to taste wine before. He picks up the glass, starts swooshing it around, takes a sniff, more swooshing, and lifts the glass up, back down again for another sniff... This whole routine went on for about 5minutes. Meanwhile the waiter is still standing there and I’m watching wondering if I’m meant to say or do something... Finally he tastes the wine and he says ‘It’s too warm’!!!!... Apparently, this wine was going to taste like butter due to the something something of the doodah something grapes... And funnily enough, once I got to taste this sacred liquid (only after being guided through all the swooshing and sniffing malarkey) it did actually taste like butter!

I think the date went well (apart from the whole sweating like a freak fiasco!) After dinner we took a walk around Covent Garden as it was such a lovely summer evening and the air had returned. (Thank the Lord!) We walked back past Chez Gérard before heading home; I had no idea that I’d be back in the same restaurant again so soon…

Who else has Got Talent?

The one and Only Steven Hall

I was lucky enough to go and watch Britain's got talent thanks to my sister working on the show. It was a very different feeling sitting in the audience than to watching it at home. Definitely much more emotional and considering I hadn't really watched all of the auditions therefore not knowing who these finalists were. I found myself on the edge of my seat screaming, clapping and chanting for them like a lunatic.

Steven Hall (a finalist on the show) said 'Things like this don't happen to people like me' and there he was...

A 50 something year old telecommunications engineer in his brown suit with his tie tucked firmly into his trousers, was up on stage dancing his heart out to millions of people including myself. .. So actually Steven, things like this do happen to people like you, because you made it happen…

How many of us plan to do something but put it off constantly. Let me tell you, procrastination seems to be my middle name these days. If you ever need an excuse to why you can't do something ask me, I'll have an answer for you. 'Oh no I can't do this, because I don't have that' 'I won't be able to go today because I'm tired, so I'll go tomorrow' (yeah right, tomorrow I'll have another reason why not) ‘I can't look into this because Glee is on'…

But these excuses (and they are all excuses, not reasons) have not been valid when it comes to the men in my life. Where boyfriends are concerned, I will trek to Timbuktu and back just to make them happy. Good or bad? … I don’t think it’s all bad, in fact at the time it seems like a perfectly normal thing to be doing. I mean when you care about someone them being happy makes you even happier. So that’s good right?

However, as much as I think getting lost in the moment can be very romantic and enchanting, I've learnt that it’s imperative not to lose yourself. This really is a key factor. Even though it may not seem like it at the time, we have to appreciate that not all relationships last forever. And surviving the aftermath of a breakup is hard enough at it is without having to realise that you are left with nothing because you gave them everything.

Don’t get me wrong, be in the relationship and be in it fully. But try not to make excuses which you turn into reasons to why you can’t do something for yourself. It is much easier to help someone else achieve their dreams. Why? Probably because it isn’t our own, so if they fail we feel minimum hurt and if they achieve it we can reap the benefits also (to a certain extent)

For years I've been unsure why I keep holding myself back….. And the reality is that it’s because I’m scared. I’m scared to fail but even more interesting is the reality that I’m scared to succeed...

Our greatest fear it is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? - Marianne Williamson

Let’s all be like Steven Hall and get up on that stage that is life and perform our hearts out. This is the only life we have. So why not do our best to make it happen now as there is no guarantee about what may happen tomorrow…

Cheaters!

Well looky what we have here, Ryan Giggs is a cheat. No 'allegedly' rubbish, he cheated. Now it’s all out in the open all I have to say is Ryan, you bought this shit on yourself.

Let's look at the 'facts' shall we:
With who did he chose to cheat? Imogen Thomas.... Errr HELLO! What the hell!! Does anyone have any idea what she does career wise? EXACTLY! He chose to cheat with a woman who makes a living dating footballers and selling her story to the press. No sympathy for you Ryan, none at all mate. And then Imogen wants to start crying because she was named at first and he wasn't. Er Biatch get yourself a dam job! Ok so we don't know the real hard core facts at all. For all we know Ryan’s wife could have been cheating or they could have temporarily separated. We just don't know for sure. And in Imogen’s defence, Max Clifford did step forward to say that she was never trying to sell her story in the first place. Hmmmm....

I have no idea what he was thinking, maybe I should ask his dick. But all I can say is stupid, stupid man. He obviously has no respect for his wife because if he did then 1- He wouldn't have cheated and 2- If he did momentarily lose his mind, he should have picked someone who had as much to lose as he does (or did?)Not a wag wannabe. Maybe that's why he got a super injunction, to save his wife the embarrassment? (Or to stop her finding out by reading a paper) Because it is embarrassing when someone you’re dating (let alone married to) cheats on you and everybody knows. When your boyfriend confesses he’s cheated that's one kind of pain. When you find out he cheated, it’s a different kind of pain. But when everyone and their dog know that they've cheated, that's pain + embarrassment. And I say this from the perspective of having being cheated on myself; it's so much easier to deal with the situation when nobody knows about it.

I think when you're in a state of pain whether it be physical and or emotional, your body shifts into survival mode. The brain clicks into overdrive to make sure you can cope (hence the feeling of constant tiredness right?) therefore you aren't thinking straight. So the last thing you need is for friends to be telling you what to do and or how to feel. What you do need (and this is me speaking from the experience of being cheated on and watching my friends be cheated on) is your friend to be objective. Someone to ask you how you feel and what you want to do next rather than screaming out 'that muthfcuker, let's cut off his penis, it was too small anyway!' not productive people, not productive at all.

To be fair, your friends are there to protect you. However, there are times such as these when their comments are just not useful. And I've even done it myself in the past telling my friends 'you don't need him', 'you're too good for him', 'don't forgive him' Even though there may be an element of truth to these comments made, I know now (in hindsight) it’s just not the right time to go there, what is needed is compassion and support. during that period, I said all those things because seeing my friends in such a state had caused me both anger and heartache. Then, I got cheated on... BAM! Everything changed, my world turned upside down instantly. I used to be the spokesperson for telling my friends that they should never ever take someone back who's cheated. Because I was so sure that good men didn’t cheat. Ha!! But alas, all of a sudden there I was in that same position. Cheated on by the person that I loved the most 2nd to my family... Now what? My friends were telling me the same thing I told them and I hated it. I didn't want to break up with him. I wanted him to come back and love me again and pretend it never happened. Did I feel hurt? Of course I did. Amongst other feelings such as pure disbelief and complete betrayal, not to mention the total and utter disgust at the skank hobag (true story) he decided to cheat on me with. And for the finale, to add insult to injury, everyone knew about it. But like I said before, I didn't want to break up with him and it was so much harder to piece together what was left of our relationship once his cheating was common knowledge. And that's why my heart goes out to all the women married to famous men who cheat.

As I grow older (begrudgingly) I have convinced myself I am getting wiser. Everybody, bar none, makes mistakes. FACT. So what does this mean in regards to cheating?... I'm still learning myself to be honest. However, as mentioned before, I think one of the many factors to consider is how it happened. If it was a one night fling I'd be more inclined to forgive, though a probationary period may be required. (Jude Law you have been warned) If it was a long term situation, now that to me is a total piss take. (Chris Tarrant please raise your hand along with Gordon Ramsay’s Father-in-law) and as stated before, if it's a public kind of cheat that's also different and I think worse(Ashley Cole please go and stand in the corner after placing the Dunce hat firmly on your head. Oh and leave your phone behind, I think we’ve seen enough pictures for now!)

Whatever happened to the sanctity of marriage? Does it mean nothing to anyone anymore?

I used to think I had the answers when I was younger, I think we all did as it all seemed so simple back then. But now I know not to judge unless I myself have been in that exact situation because trust me; you think you will do one thing and you end up doing the total opposite. But what I will say is that if you are going to forgive someone for anything not just cheating, properly forgive. Don't use it against them over and over again. There's no point, believe me! Say everything you have to say, get it all out, cry, scream, shout, grieve and do whatever you need to. Then close your eyes, take a deep breathe in….. Hold it for a few seconds and then let it go and I mean let all of it go, not just the breath (easier said than done I know) But no relationship will ever work if you dwell on the past.

They say trust is like a piece of paper, once it’s been crumpled it can never be the same again. …. Perhaps... But for now I think I’m ok with ironing out the creases when need be and taking it from there...