Sunday, May 1, 2011

She found her Prince

As were most of the world, I too was watching the Royal wedding. Not really fussed about the whole thing I chose to work that day and therefore watched it online. So there I was watching the guests arrive and I was surprised to that see Lady Gaga had been invited. Oh no wait, it was Princess Beatrice with a huge pretzel on her head! Previous to which, Tara Palmer-Tomkinson waltzed in looking like a villainous character from a Marvel comic. Nevertheless, everything was fine and dandy until I saw Kate in her wedding dress and then I started to feel emotional. To be fair this is not uncommon for me while watching wedding programs, whether it be Don’t Tell the Bride or Wedding SOS or even My big Fat Gypsy Wedding I don’t care. I love them all. And no matter how hilarious or grotesque the actual wedding may be, I always start to tear up. And this was no different; there I was watching Kate in such a beautiful dress and I was doing just that.

When I was younger it all seemed so simple, I was so very certain that I would be married, it wasn’t even an option that I wouldn’t be. Back then I was in a long term relationship that lasted around seven years, it wasn’t perfect but nothing ever is, and we both thought we would get marry each other. I’ve never loved anybody the way I loved him, so passionately, so freely, so willingly, and so desperately. He was my breath, my joy, my sorrow, my pain, we were each others everything. He was my first ever love… Cue a break up that lasted about two of those seven years, a close call with insanity and figuring out who I was without him then fast forward a few years later and here I am... 

The older I get, the further away it all seems. I mean for a man to confess his undying love for me and propose. Ha! I'm lucky these days if I get a guy to take me to the cinema on Orange bloody Wednesday mate let alone commit to a bog standard relationship. Anyway, there I was watching her get married, tears streaming down my face. By the time her brother had finished his reading, I was blubbering like a child with the realisation that it may never happen for me. I'm not saying it won’t happen, I'm just thinking about all possibilities given the circumstances. Kate found her Prince, will I ever find mine?

Its all so typical, the guy you like doesn’t like you back, or he’s not ready for a relationship or he’s just generally a piece of shit! Or you meet a great fantastic guy but there’s just no spark at all and no matter how hard you try because you know he’s a great catch, you feel nothing. And now you’re the piece of shit because you have to tell this person, who you know will make a great amazing boyfriend, why you don’t want to be with him. Then comes the pain, of not knowing why someone you care about doesn’t feel the same way about you. The upset of being that person that doesn’t reciprocate and has to be the bearer of bad news. I can tell you one thing; neither gets any easier that’s for sure.

In one of the speeches it was said ‘... We are all incomplete…’ and it got me thinking…

By falling in love, our life, which we once thought was whole, is now more amazing because of this love we feel for this other person. This person that makes us see the world so very differently than we did before, this person that helps us realise who we can be and makes us feel like anything is possible. This person who we’re in love with, they’ve completed us, even though we may not have realised we needed to be.

Maybe this is why, no matter how many times our world gets turned upside down, no matter how many times we’re deceived, disappointed and lied to, no matter how many times we get hurt and feel the discomfort and soreness of heartache, we still pick ourselves up and piece ourselves back together emotionally and physically the best we can, so that we can try and carry on searching for our soul mate to make us feel complete.

3 comments:

ericayoola said...

We all have the need to love and to be loved. Even though there are those periods when peopleon are not in love or do not feel loved, the natural desire is to redress this. You will surely find your prince.

Viviane said...

You need to work on yourself first to become who you truly are, so that you can then attract the "right" person for you. Until then, you will attract someone who will remind you of what you don't like in yourself and why you don't deserve to meet your prince! So love yourself first, then you will attract the love of your life!

Helene said...

Hi Viviane, those are such wise words. Thank you for taking the time to read my post and an even bigger thank you for commenting. Writing this blog has and is a kind of therapy for me, it has helped me look back objectively and realise that one does indeed have to work on themselves first to be able to attract the right person. We all deserve a prince!